End-of-life wishes

This page is about when the end approaches. When your life is coming to an end, when you are facing an incurable illness and the inevitability of death, it is important to reflect and ask yourself questions:

• Do I understand what is in store for me?
• What things in the future do I worry about?
• What do I still want to do in the time I have left?
• What limitations - caused by my illness - do I find acceptable?

Speaking about dying

It can be helpful to talk about these questions with people around you and with your doctor. Talking about your own dying is an important first step. Sometimes this is a very big step. Yet it is good for yourself and those around you if you can take this step. It remains your own freedom whether or not you want to talk about it. There is no obligation. You can assume that the doctor is happy to talk to you about it.

Alleviation of complaints

It is always important to try to reduce annoying symptoms that are a consequence of illness. Companionship from another person can already help. Simple support - it sounds so simple - Is so important. Talk to your doctor about options for relieving symptoms, including medication.

Making arrangements around the end of your life

It can bring peace and clarity if you make clear arrangements about the end of your life, especially about what you do and do not want to happen. If you are going to determine this, it is wise to discuss it with your GP beforehand. Ask for explanations about investigations and/or treatments that are unclear. Discuss the various pain management options with your doctor. Give your doctor a copy of your completed statement and make sure a contact person is known to your doctor. Of course, tell your doctor what relationship you have with this contact person (child, partner, close friend or neighbour).

Arrangements around your end of life cannot be enforced, but doctors and nurses will generally try to follow the arrangements made as best they can. What you want as a patient is very important. Let your doctor know.

Watch this example - that can serve as inspiration. Preferably write by hand and use your own words. It is important to discuss your wishes first with your partner, children or others who care about you.

Not treating is also a choice

Doctors tend to continue research and treatment. Patients also prefer not to give up and doctors prefer not to dash their hopes. The result is often an accumulation of harsh treatments with many side effects. If the chances of improvement are slim, abandoning, or stopping treatment may be a good choice. It is good to consider the positive consequences if you, as a patient, decide not to have to undergo any more harsh treatment. Non-treatment is not always mentioned as an option by specialists. With often forgets the obvious: just take a look.

Keeping control yourself?

When it becomes clear that the end of your life is approaching, there is a way to stay in control. A way of dealing with your individuality that is not suitable for everyone. Nevertheless, it is important to discuss that way here: consciously refraining from eating and drinking. It is often difficult for bystanders to understand that someone can decide to stop eating and drinking. Yet people choose to do so with some regularity. Especially if your life is already in a shaky balance, or if you have a serious incurable disease, that choice can lead to a deathbed that can be experienced as dignified and good. Consult with your own doctor; this is certainly worth discussing.

There are always things that distract you. Busyness is all around us. But... what is it all about in the end? Don't delay your plans to make arrangements for this. Take your time and discuss this with counsellors. Give yourself the opportunity to do what you want so much in the finite span of your life. It might be a good idea to go through some points and lay them down.